This might seem odd for someone who puts their life on the internet, but I’ve always struggled with confidence. I spend my life avoiding having to go places on my own… I love familiar things, people I know, places I’ve been before and Internet shopping has been a God send. You might think that writing blogs, posting instagram pictures or even having a YouTube channel says otherwise, but even in this I have built up confidence over a period of time. I started off with a private Instagram account… I don’t vlog about anything horrifically personal and well it’s easy to sit behind a computer screen and tap away at a keyboard. Blogging events on the other hand… Eek! I even spoke on a panel at one once… Well I maybe said a few words, the other 3 amazing ladies propped me up! One thing I do is push myself hard to do these things, because I do want to push the boundaries.
I had a chat with a friend last week about the downside of being shy and not being very confident. What must people think? Does it look like I’m rude & not interested? When the actual fact is that speaking to people is as daunting as asking someone on a first date to me. It’s way easier to walk past someone than it is to chat to them. It takes me a really long time (a really long time!) to get to know people, to feel like I can share my life with them… But when I do, you can’t shut me up! In fact I’ve lived in this town now for almost 10 years and for the first 4 of those, I knew no one. I didn’t even have a facebook profile. Did it bother me?.. Honestly, no! I just stayed in my wee bubble of comfort, as I had no reason to pop it.
But having kids has changed all that. I’ve become aware that I don’t want my kids to suffer the same shyness, or lack of confidence that I have. I want them to grow up confident and not to fear the simple things in the same why I did. So, I make sure they go to clubs and nursery (have done from a young age) so that confidence is never a problem for them and I think it’s working (or I hope it is!). The strength I see in them at the ages of 2 and 6, I don’t think I even have at 35… But that in itself gives me confidence.